I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
