Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
