Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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