Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
