We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
