my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
