I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You can't motorboat a personality
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
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