She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
