ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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