man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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