afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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