Small penises have feelings too.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
