i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
