im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
he thought i was a dude.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
