i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
