how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
