billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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