I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
