Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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