I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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