I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
