Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
