Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
