HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
