You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
