dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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