I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
