One girl and one boy is just not enough.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
