I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
