final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
