we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Randomize
