Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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