Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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