i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
