If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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