so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
