you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
