I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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