I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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