last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
