SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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