If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
