You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize