I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
