Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
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I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
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You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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