i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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