You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
