We won't sleep together?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
