I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
