what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
