no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
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I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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