it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
