I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
There are leaves in my underwear?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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