i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
