everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
