Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He shit in the fireplace
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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