I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
