I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Well I just put wine in my tea
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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