Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She told me I should be a condom model.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
