shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize