before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
