and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
