dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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