In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
