then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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